Saturday, August 8, 2009

Things You Shouldn't Say or Ask an LMT and more...

There are a number of things that are very interesting about my career; the stigmas, the news stories about people acting on those stigmas, and some of the most uncomfortable situations imaginable. I've decided to shed some light on some of those things. This will hopefully clear some things up about the massage world for those 'massage virgins' out there.

1. Never EVER refer to a Licensed Massage Therapist as a 'masseuse.' Masseuse entails sexual favors in addition to (more often than not) lackluster massage skills. I suppose there are LMT's out there that do these outright illegal things, and they give us a bad name. There have been a number of massage parlors shut down for this lately, and they shame me...

2. Having a male massage therapist does not guarantee a deeper, rougher massage than having a 90 pound girl would give. In school, I got my trash kicked by said girl, and I love to tell people that. It's not about size or muscle; what we do is about body weight and leverage. Do not let anyone tell you different.

3. We do not use our chins to massage...ever! One of my teachers in school had someone ask her if she was using her chin! She was working on the guy's butt too! First of all, gross. Secondly, that really wouldn't work seeing as you can't get any leverage whatsoever. So really, that just doesn't work.

4. Yes, I have had people fart in my face. My wife has had someone poop their pants on the table. There are other things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in this public forum, but yes, gross stuff happens. We pretty much ignore it, so it's not really that big of a deal...

5. Sometimes we really DON'T want to talk about some of the drama in your life...Your daughter's sexuality is definitely one of those things (yes, I've been there). Other things I wouldn't bring up would be anything sexual of any kind, your wild days of drug use and alcoholism, or, especially for me, please don't tell me all of your political views and how much you love or hate Obama. I'll be honest; I DON'T REALLY CARE.

6. It is actually very entertaining to see people's reaction to my telling them what I do. I get a variety of looks, questions, and of course, the lean. The lean, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, is when someone starts rubbing a specific joint or muscle and says "Oh really? Because I've been hurting a lot in this area." and proceeds to lean in as a subtle hint to work on them. We hate this. We know most of the time you are half-kidding, but we get it A LOT. So, I have come up with a great response to this..."Well, my rates our 50 an hour. My number is ____. Give me a call and we'll set something up." I have been pleased with the results.

This has been kind of a random one eh? I hope you enjoyed the read. Yes, I love what I do. But as you have come to notice, I need a little rant here and there.


  1. Steve,

    LOVE this post. Made me laugh.

    Using the chin? Honestly?

    At least your married. I recently had a guy ask me on a date and the date was going to be ME giving him a massage! HA!

  2. ...sorry again about that one time I farted......