just kidding...

Hey so I'm retarded and wrote the wrong web address for my story...it is actually http:/thenemesisdiary.blogspot.com

I really would appreciate any input you might have.

Nemesis Diary

I have started working on a new story. I haven't flexed my creative writing muscles in a while, so I thought I would give it a shot. I would appreciate any and all input and criticism.

I am really excited to be doing this, so I started a new blog just for my story. It's called The Nemesis Diary. It will be told from the perspective of a man known as Nemesis, who is not really what you'd call a 'hero.' You'll have to read it and let me know what you think.

www.blogspot.com/thenemesisdiary

Add me, and I'll keep writing as I get time.

Note to Self

Dear Steve,

As gorgeous and ridiculously intelligent as you are, I have something I must bring to your attention. You are a complete and utter moron sometimes. I know it is difficult to hear this, but we both know that it's true.

I am extremely impressed with how you achieved your goal of a month without soda or caffeine. You dropped ten pounds, and proved that you could do it to all of the naysayers out there. It sucked, but you did it. I am also happy you are back on the drinks; the neighbor kids don't seem to be as frightened of you...

That was the good part. Now, why you are an idiot...Firstly (is that even a word?), you took a ten day trip to California. That wasn't the dumb part...the dumb part was that you knew about it for months ahead of time, and still managed to skip that whole saving money thing...it was less about going on vacation for ten days, and more about not working for ten days. Granted the economy kind of kills a lot of business in the massage world, I'm sure you could have saved money by skipping out on the Carl's Jr. and enjoying/choking down cereal instead. Nice.

Then there was that whole thing with being a psycho...medications are expensive! Not really your fault, but that still doesn't make it a good idea to not take your anti-anxiety/sleeping pills. This will lead you to a horrific pair of nights without sleep, and encourages that nasty 3 hour panic attack that hit you around 2 AM the other night...Seriously? Did you fall on your head and get stupid?

And to cap it all off, you were lucky enough to not pay attention to all the beautiful *cough, cough* corrosion building up on the contacts of your truck battery...This leads to a DEAD battery, and a fun time of cutting off one contact and paying $85 for a new battery. Good thing your dad is good with cars eh?

So...what have we learned? With you, probably nothing...however, you probably have even more issues than you first thought...you are writing a blog to yourself dude...good luck with that.

Sincerely,
Steve

Is deprivation = to massochism?

I am one stubborn dude. Many of you already know this. I've been walking to the beat of my own drum my whole life, and I always will. Recently I've decided that I have a few problems I'd like to take care of. This is my blog describing these issues and the reason behind them.

1. I am 10 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time. That puts me at almost 20 pounds heavier than I was in high school. This does not sit well with me. I have always been rather proud of my physique, and I've kind of let it go a bit. I decided to change this. I have begun a rather vigorous training regiment, much of it revolving around Wii Fit. This sounds silly but that game kicks your butt! I have also started running...RUNNING! I also have decided to let go of soda for a while. I'll elaborate in a minute. So far I've started losing, so I feel pretty good about that.

2. Soda is my favorite, especially Mountain Dew or Cherry Coke; Dr. Pepper and regular Coke are also very good. I probably drink 5 or 6 cans of something a day, which translates into around 550-600 calories per day. Therefore, I've decided to kick it for a while. I don't know how long I'll go, but I will give it a shot for at least a week. This is more about proving that I don't need it than losing weight. I've always said the world wouldn't be safe if I was off the juice, and so I've hesitated. Well kids, I'm 4 days into it...it sucks! I have never wanted a drink so bad in my life! But I haven't killed anyone...so far...and I have done pretty well for the most part. I feel a bit more focused at work, even if my brain isn't firing quite as fast as I'm used to. The really messed up thing is that it's ruined what's left of my sleeping patterns. You'd think with zero caffeine you'd sleep better; I've had a horrible time! I'm even on sleeping pills and I can't sleep! UGH! However, I do feel myself getting used to the idea.

I'll post if anything dramatic happens, but we'll just have to see. I will say this though; I feel a fire inside of me that I haven't felt for a while. Man your battle stations; this is war.

Things You Shouldn't Say or Ask an LMT and more...

There are a number of things that are very interesting about my career; the stigmas, the news stories about people acting on those stigmas, and some of the most uncomfortable situations imaginable. I've decided to shed some light on some of those things. This will hopefully clear some things up about the massage world for those 'massage virgins' out there.

1. Never EVER refer to a Licensed Massage Therapist as a 'masseuse.' Masseuse entails sexual favors in addition to (more often than not) lackluster massage skills. I suppose there are LMT's out there that do these outright illegal things, and they give us a bad name. There have been a number of massage parlors shut down for this lately, and they shame me...

2. Having a male massage therapist does not guarantee a deeper, rougher massage than having a 90 pound girl would give. In school, I got my trash kicked by said girl, and I love to tell people that. It's not about size or muscle; what we do is about body weight and leverage. Do not let anyone tell you different.

3. We do not use our chins to massage...ever! One of my teachers in school had someone ask her if she was using her chin! She was working on the guy's butt too! First of all, gross. Secondly, that really wouldn't work seeing as you can't get any leverage whatsoever. So really, that just doesn't work.

4. Yes, I have had people fart in my face. My wife has had someone poop their pants on the table. There are other things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in this public forum, but yes, gross stuff happens. We pretty much ignore it, so it's not really that big of a deal...

5. Sometimes we really DON'T want to talk about some of the drama in your life...Your daughter's sexuality is definitely one of those things (yes, I've been there). Other things I wouldn't bring up would be anything sexual of any kind, your wild days of drug use and alcoholism, or, especially for me, please don't tell me all of your political views and how much you love or hate Obama. I'll be honest; I DON'T REALLY CARE.

6. It is actually very entertaining to see people's reaction to my telling them what I do. I get a variety of looks, questions, and of course, the lean. The lean, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, is when someone starts rubbing a specific joint or muscle and says "Oh really? Because I've been hurting a lot in this area." and proceeds to lean in as a subtle hint to work on them. We hate this. We know most of the time you are half-kidding, but we get it A LOT. So, I have come up with a great response to this..."Well, my rates our 50 an hour. My number is ____. Give me a call and we'll set something up." I have been pleased with the results.

This has been kind of a random one eh? I hope you enjoyed the read. Yes, I love what I do. But as you have come to notice, I need a little rant here and there.

Truth is Currency

This is one of those blogs that popped up in my head at about 3 this morning. I can't get it out of my head, so I'll put it up and hopefully it makes sense.

What is truth? Truth is the currency that all good things are based around and the bad things are always seeking to destroy. Truth is the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, and yet it is also an impenetrable wall protecting those who defend it. Truth is the light in the darkness, and yet the road to truth is often the hardest road to find. Truth is unbreakable; truth can shatter the soul into infinitisimal pieces. Truth is as hard and cold as ice, yet sometimes it warms and comforts us to the core.

I think about truth a lot. I try to base everything I do and say around it, even though I know it may be hard to accept sometimes. The hardest thing for me is that truth has a tendency to change based on perception. Not only that, but opinion has its say on truth. I dare say that 'the right thing' for some is not necessarily true for others.

So, riddle me this Batman...what IS truth?

After attending the Transformers movie last week, it brought up some issues that I have...not with the movie, but with the public in general...so I have compiled a nice and neat little blog to rant about it. They are things that I think must go. Enjoy.

1. I think the most obnoxious thing in the whole world is when you are watching a movie and the people next to you cannot keep their mouth shut. They giggle, they laugh obnoxiously, and I miss critical moments of Megan Fox...I mean the movie...And then they have the nerve to shoosh people! Seriously! If you want to talk during a movie, go pee or something. I'm sure the porcelain gods would LOVE to hear about your boyfriend.

2. I also greatly dislike when people say 'That band/movie/book sucks." Really. Isn't it fascinating that record companies pour money in to these bands, not to mention book publishers and movie companies trying to finance something they believe is of value to the general public. It's fine if you don't like something, but if it's on the airwaves or the big screen, obviously it means other people do. A great example of this is the band Nickelback. You love em or you hate em. That's all well and good...but to say they suck when they've sold millions of albums is rather naive, don't you think?

3. There is a very annoying habit among the general public in regards to my profession...The minute anyone learns that I am a massage therapist, they do the whole "Really? Well, my shoulder has really been hurting..." and they leave it hanging as the rub it and lean closer. If you know someone who is a massage therapist, don't do this! It's not funny; it's not cute. It's extremely irritating and working on you becomes the last thing we want to do. We spend all day working on people, enjoying the flow of cash as we do it. We also tend to be pretty giving people. However, when you do this, you might as well tell me to clean your bathroom while I'm at it. Maybe you can hire a monkey to put up with your shenanigans.

4. Dishwashers that don't actually do anything but spit a little water on your dishes have to go. We have had trouble with ours since we moved in to our apartment and have instead opted to wash by hand...then it becomes difficult to want to do them due to the soap that somehow gets everywhere, wrinkly hands that smell funny, smelly water, and trying to find a dish towel somewhere in the cupboards...Sad I know, but I've lived here for about 2 years and I still can't find them!

5. Finally, the sick voice must go. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sick voice, it is pretty easy to recognize. Have you ever met those people who any time they 'get sick' , elevate their vocal range to that of a boy going through puberty? That high, airy sounding voice that always includes a sigh that sounds like Santa died? If you really don't know what I'm talking about, you need to get out more. I might as well be a hermit and I hear it EVERYWHERE.

Thank you. I feel a little better.