There are always so many things I want to write about, but never any words to say them. I have had a crazy few weeks, between grading finals and trying my best to get taxes and things in order. But I had a very interesting experience this week and thought I would write it down.
Sometimes working at a massage college is incredible. Sometimes it's wicked difficult. Sometimes I have a hard time getting excited to go to work, and others I can't wait. For most of this last term, I have been having a hard time getting excited. But it wasn't why you might think. I realized the end was coming for one of my favorite classes. When a class graduates, it's bittersweet for me. I make some great friendships with the students, and when they graduate, I know I may never see many of them again. That's hard for me, seeing as I'm not very good at goodbyes.
Yesterday started out pretty typical of a finals week day...I woke up and showered, had a good breakfast (that is only typical TO finals weeks), and left for work. I arrived and saw the familiar faces of the graduating class. They were nervous for their finals, so I gave my usual words of encouragement and told them they'd be fine. What was different was the feeling I had saying those words for the last time. I left them to go to my class, thinking about the road that brought them to this point...one so similar to my own a few years back.
I chose to spend the whole day at the campus with the grads-to-be. I have always felt a bond with this class, and I think they felt one with myself as well. I sat through their final class with them by choice, listening to their plans following graduation. I don't know why I chose to sit through it, but I felt drawn to their classroom all day. I have never done that before. Towards the end, following the little cryfest that is almost every class's last session, I asked the instructor if I could say a few words. I couldn't really think about anything except my own class from 2 years ago, and the words I left them with. I wrote a song the night before my last class, and I decided I would recite the words to this new class, in the same room that last heard them 2 years ago.
How many days will I wait
to find the words I couldn't say?
How many days will it take
for the sun to chase the clouds away?
How many nights I lay awake
to see the stars before they're gone
How many more will I wait
before I know I'm not the only one
Don't say goodbye
I'll remember, I'll remember you
Don't say goodbye
I don't want to be just a memory
Don't say goodbye
We still have one more day
As I recited those words to the class, the unthinkable happened; my voice broke, and tears ran down my cheeks. The class then lined up and gave me hugs and said thank you, but I could barely speak and tell them how proud I am of them. My emotions overtook me I guess. I didn't really know what to think...You see, I don't show most of my emotions to the students or the rest of the world for that matter. I don't know what it was, but the unity of the class mirrored so much of my own class, and being in the very same room...I don't know...call it deja' vu maybe. I don't know why it happened, but I guess I'm glad that it did. It's nice to be reminded of the things I felt for my class so long ago and that I still feel them.
I don't want anyone to think I don't feel strongly for each and every class that has come through those doors. But the circumstances just created the right chemistry for the moment. I have since decided to record the song "One More Day" and post it for each and every person that has come in to my life because of UCMT, and for that matter each and every person to come in to my life at all. I love each of you. If I haven't said it lately, thank you. Those words are for you.