Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sometimes I look into the mirror, and ask myself some pretty simple questions...at least, on the surface they sound easy.

Who am I? Well, that depends on the day. I've been accused of being reckless, unstable, sarcastic, and oft times too honest. I was told that I have no soul the other day, based on my innate ability to withstand ridiculous amounts of pain during Structural and Trigger Point massage. Yes, they are both intense. But I just don't show it I guess. So basically, I'm to understand that I am an incredibly honest psychopath with little to no soul...Ain't that a great thought on a Tuesday morning...

Where am I going? Usually work, sometimes crazy...Most often I am attempting to find something to do...Even if it involves going to Walmart at 2 in the morning. Where I'd like to go is wherever I can find myself...Sometimes I think our identity gets lost when we get stuck in routine.

What do I want from life? Usually a Mountain Dew and an evening with a horror movie or a few hours to play MegaMan. Now that I think about it a motorcycle would really be a cherry on top...Seriously though, a Mountain Dew would be fantastic.

What am I destined to become? I have been told that I am a lot like my father...If I end up half the man he is, I can call it a day. I want to take my career further. I want to transcend everyone's expectations of me. I want someone to come up to me one day and say, "Your song called _____ got me through a really hard time. Thank you for writing it." I don't see that one happening anytime soon, but I've always wanted that to happen. Or maybe I should become a werewolf. That'd be sweet...

If you can't tell, this is mostly a tongue-in-cheek blog. I'm in an introspective, slightly unbalanced mode. Grading finals will do that to you I guess. Sorry if you are irritated by the fact that some of this is dead serious, and other parts are not. Sometimes it's just better to let out all your thoughts rather than suppress them.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


This is the latest song I'm working on. It's called Fallen. I could use some input. This will be a lot more of a rock song than you're used to from me. Think Matchbox 20-Third Eye Blind kind of thing. I'll post a recording later.

If these walls could talk
I wonder what they'd say
They know I had it all
They know I gave it all away
It took the worst in me
to find a better place
It's no surprise the writing on the wall
can never be erased and

I'm falling, I'm falling down
I'm holding on to something, don't let it be all or nothing
I'm falling, I'm falling down
I hear the voices calling, don't let it be all for nothing

If the sun went down
and the night was still
And I lay in bed awake
nothing but time to kill
If I keep dreaming
I'm afraid I'll always be alone
So just leave a light on
Maybe I'll find my way back home

I'm falling, I'm falling down
I'm holding out for something, still I know it's all or nothing
I'm falling, I'm falling down
I hear the voices calling, don't let it be all for nothing

And I wanted you to see
There's nothing more to life, nothing more than how hard we try
I wanted everything,
But there's nothing else, nothing else but you and I.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

This week has been a pedal-to-the-metal kind of week. I had 2 finals to grade, a night I barely slept, and a killer toothache. For those of you who didn't read my status on facebook, I think tooth pain can suck it. That being said, I don't mind being busy.

I have really been working on the songs I want to record. Unfortunately, I can't play 3/4 of the things I want to include in said songs. I am pushing forward, and have made some progress. It appears Strong Enough, the first song on my cd, will also be on the new one...

I feel that I am approaching a significant change. You know how you can just feel it sometimes? Well, I can hear it coming...But, like always, I'll evolve. I don't think I've met anyone who enjoys change, but the human race, like the animal kingdom, has the innate ability to evolve. Evolution demands a change; sometimes subtle, sometimes earth-shattering. I think it may have to do with Keisha's interview in Park City tonight for a position at the Golden Door Spa. The GDS is basically her Mecca. It may require a few changes if she gets it, but we're ready for it.

Still, I feel there is more to it than that. I am so excited to be a T.A. at UCMT, but I wonder where it will take me. I love it. It's by far the best job I've ever had, but to what end does one do a job that isn't about money?

Dentists scare me. I have an appointment tomorrow. And I'm scared.

Sometimes life takes me by surprise. Sometimes I see things coming from miles away. True of most people? Probably. But I guess there is nothing left to do but be patient and wait. I'm not really good at that...

By the way, I have Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi stuck in my head. Don't judge me.