Voices Calling Angels Falling

Never Forgotten

2011-09-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows, today is the 10 year anniversary of the heinous terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City and on the Pentagon. I remember very clearly that day. I remember where I was, what I was thinking, what I was wearing, the complete loss of appetite and desire to do anything but stare at the tv...But what I remember the most was the gravity it laid on my soul. What I remember most was my 15th birthday.

Today is now my 25th birthday. I am a quarter-century old. I have changed so much since that morning 10 years ago, but the gravity still sits as heavy as it ever did. Please don't get me wrong; this isn't about me being upset that one of the greatest tragedies of our time happened on my birthday. I'm not naive enough to think that it was a personal affront to me. But ever since that day, birthdays have been a little bittersweet.

One thing I clearly remember was the pain I was in. That year, I had spent the better part of the week coughing up blood and running a fever. I had a nasty little bronchial infection (the bronchial tube is part of the respiratory system i.e. lungs) and felt like I'd been hit by a truck physically. Each breath felt like needles sticking in my lungs and throat, and I was unbelievable exhausted. Then, the tragic events in the East...Suddenly, I felt like the truck came back and ran over me mentally. I was heartbroken at the loss of life and complete disregard for the value of each life that was taken. I was furious that someone could condone what was done, claiming it was what their God desired and that what they did was righteous.

I was horrified by the events of that day; scared to death to go to school when I got better. I had nightmares for weeks. The idea of getting on an airplane was terrifying. As many have said, I will never forget that day 10 years ago.

Now, the real reason I decided to post: I am ok with sharing my birthday with that day. That sounds bizarre, but I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than to remember the fallen heroes from that day. For that matter, I am honored to do so, along with remembering everyone affected from that September morning. Heroes transcend time. 10 years, 20 years, 100...It doesn't matter. Those brave men and women gave their lives trying to save everyone they could. They are heroes. I am proud to share my birthday with them as a chance to remember them.

I'm sure you've all thought back to that day; where you were, what you felt...I pray we never forget. As long as I live, I pledge to always remember that day. Things change, scars heal, but the memory remains. Thank you to all those who gave their lives or sacrificed so much. You will never be forgotten.

The Stranger

2011-06-04T04:28:00.000-07:00

"Best to keep things in the shallow end because I never quite learned how to swim. I just didn't want to know...Close my eyes just to look at you; taken by the seamless vision. I close my eyes, ignore the smoke...Mistook their nods for an approval; just ignore the smoke and smile."
~A Perfect Circle 'Blue'

It's 5:00 A.M. and I'm wide awake. This isn't new for me. Not at all. But, for once, I know what's keeping me awake. I'm scared to sleep. Bizarre, yes?

It's kind of confusing; sleep is the naturally occurring state to which we go to restore and revitalize the beautiful machine that is our body. For some reason, my body doesn't dig it much. That's all right. I've dealt with it for a while and I'm surviving. What I am struggling with is this dreaming business.

I've had reoccurring dreams ever since I can remember. The most significant one (and one that is extremely reoccurring) begins with me entering a small restroom. The walls are grey, floors are black. Flourescent light on the ceiling, no toilet. Feels musty and dank. I walk to the sink and look up into a faded yet still reflective mirror. I see myself, except it's not quite me. Subtle differences; my eyes are more angular, features more sharpened. My hair is long (no surprise to anyone I'm sure) in both images, but this is where it gets creepy. I grab my chin and pull upwards, like I'm removing a mask. My reflection changes again, sharpening the edges. My eyes darken, and suddenly I have Jack Sparrow eyebrows. Again, I remove a mask. Same result (sharpened features, dark shades overtaking the light). Again, another mask. Then another. Then another. After a few moments of shedding my skin, I turn the sink on and rinse my face, then look into the mirror. I'm staring back at the same image I began with. Then my reflection puts his hands on the wall and starts screaming, but the real me stays silent. Eventually, the real me walks out of the mirror room.

Trust me. I have dream dictionary-ed the crap out of this sucker. I have heard a lot of theories, and they make sense. It's not the dream itself that frightens me though. It's more the unanswered questions that always come up after I have it. Why do I keep having it? What do I need to change in my subconscious? Blah, blah, blah. What it comes down to is that I think I am a stranger to myself. A subtle knockoff of the original. Close enough to recognize, but everchanging based on circumstance.

The worst part of this particular dream is something that caught me off guard recently. Is it really me who walks in to the mirror room or is it my reflection? And which of us is in control?

Go ahead. You try and sleep wondering who it is in your reflection, or if you are the Stranger yourself.

Sleepwalker

2011-01-25T01:21:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been consumed by too many things. I haven't had the amount of free time that I'm used to, which is actually a good thing. I am one of those people who likes to be busy. I'm all right with it. I've had time enough to spend with my cute little wife, catch up on a little ESPN, and work on The Nemesis Diary (more is coming, don't you worry). But I feel I've neglected a few things. One of the things that has suffered greatly has been recording my new songs. I aimed to finish "The Next Best Thing", my second full album, by the end of last summer. Yup, I blew that one. I decided I'm not entirely ready to finish it, but I thought I'd leave a little taste of it for any who might be interested. This is my newest song "Sleepwalker."

I see your ghost
every time I close my eyes
I feel you close
when I can’t keep breathing
I hear your voice
When no one’s listening
I found the piece
I didn’t know was missing

And I feel like a newborn again
every time I open my eyes
If you think that I am sleeping
I’m not the one who’s really dreaming

I feel the sun
Wrapped in the shadows
I see the light
Bound inside the dark
The silver line
Has got me turned in circles
I feel so blind
But have we ever really seen?

And I feel like a newborn again
every time I open my eyes
If you think that I am sleeping
I’m not the one who’s really dreaming

In the end
There is only surface
When we drown
Where we find our solace
It’s not the end
We’ve only just begun

And I feel like a newborn again
every time I open my eyes
If you think you know the answers
Look again, I’m not dreaming

Unbreakable

2010-12-28T02:04:00.001-08:00

There are a lot of things that happen that I don't understand. Things that I don't think should be able to happen do; things I never thought could happen have; things I hoped wouldn't happen will. I don't like it much. Today was one of those days that I got reminded of this.

I received some heartbreaking news; an old friend of mine, someone I grew up with, someone I even looked up to despite his own struggles, had passed away over the weekend. Worse still, his fiance' of one single night also died. They were in a 4 wheeling accident...I am not going to lie and pretend that he and I were close; but he was a constant during my entire childhood. He was someone I wanted to emulate in a lot of ways. He fought his way out of some extremely difficult things, and I admired him for it. I was rendered speechless by this news of his passing.

I believe in life after death; I believe he and his fiance' are together...but I feel it's the people living that have the hard task. I feel heart-broken for his and her family. I feel ripped in pieces for all of the people who knew him. I didn't know him well and I have shed some tears as I write this. The loss of anyone is tragic; the loss of a friend is heartbreaking. We can share sympathy or empathy and shed our tears and share memories, but we can't bring them back. We can't say the words we never could. We don't get another shot...not in this life at least. These are the scars that we bear not on our bodies, but on our souls.

Although I've dealt with death a lot through my life, I can't shake the same feeling I always get. Something feels...unfinished. Like a movie that ends badly. So many questions unanswered, so many things left undone. I don't do well with death; I never have. I don't think it's something I'll ever do well with. I don't WANT to do well with it. Never leave words unsaid. Never leave space between you and those you care about. Sometimes the opportunity to fill it never comes.

I wrote this next bit a couple years ago after my uncle died. I wrote it for my mother. I've never played it in a show, never shared it with anyone beyond my wife and a few others. I don't know how to express myself the way that I want to, but it seems appropriate for the moment. It's called Unbreakable.

I've tried to be my brother's keeper
but I closed my eyes too soon.
I thought that I was invincible,
Now I'm falling like a star.
In my hands I've held the world
but there's things I can't ignore;
A world of broken dreams
but I don't dream anymore.

I thought that I was unbreakable
I thought that I could take the fall
I'll leave the light on just in case
and you'll be in my heart.

I've tried to find a better way
to open up my eyes to see
that there was nothing left that I could do
but it's hard to carry on
In my hands I've held the world
but now it's nothing but a scar
a world of broken dreams that I can't see anymore
I thought that I was unbreakable
I thought that I could take the fall
I'll leave a light on just in case
and you'll be in my heart...

Rest well, my friend. You'll be in my thoughts, and in my heart.

Let the winds carry you home; blackbird fly away. May you never be broken again. (Blackbird by Alter Bridge)

Words Are Only Words

2010-12-11T01:32:00.000-08:00

There are times I catch myself thinking out loud. For some reason, it irritates me. It's not that I don't like the sound of my own voice; more that it's nothing more than hearsay to me. I feel that I'm talking, not acting. I'm a great talker. I probably talk a lot. How much action do I actually take? Not nearly enough. Though I may have the best intentions, acting upon said intentions is sometimes difficult.

Talk is cheap, cut and dry. Anyone can say they're sorry, but until they act to make things right I can't say I honestly forgive their sleight. I am not much for pretending things are better until I see a change. I've never been good at that, and I doubt I'll be much better at it in the future.

But I'm actually all right with that. I've been taught my whole life to forgive and forget. In principle, I love this idea. You get what you give in this life. I absolutely believe in that. But I don't think anyone should be naive enough to keep forgiving and forgetting the same thing over and over again. That falls into something called ignorance.

With all that said, I am a very harsh critic on myself. I've looked back through my blogs and tried to see where I've traveled to in the last year. I don't honestly have an answer to my own question. There were things I really wanted to accomplish this year; I didn't. There are things I thought I wanted a year ago; now I don't. One can say to keep trying to get better. I'm not ok with that. I feel there are 3 Steve Barringtons right now: Work Steve, Home Steve, and Alone Steve. All three have their place, portrayed by the first word of each title. But the lines are blurring; I'm not sure exactly who the composite Steve is.

Worklife and homelife are pretty simple; it's the alone time that bothers me. When I'm alone, I feel like my soul is separating from the rest of my body. I feel like my skin can't hold my soul inside anymore (look for that little ditty in a song to be posted soon). It's exhausting, really. I'm sure others can relate to this...It's rather...uncomfortable. The reason I mention this third self is because he is the one that talks to himself. I seem to sort most things out during these little talks, but I feel like I'm doing a lot of talking lately. It's time to act.

I may not have achieved all of the goals I set early this year, but I'm ok with that. Most of those goals can keep floating into 2011. Sometimes things get in the way. I think the biggest roadblock for anything is a little word we call 'doubt.' But, as I said earlier, it's just a word. Words have power, but only as much as any of us give them. My focus has shifted. My dreams are a little different. My life has it's own course, and I am the captain of my soul. My intention is to attain every single one of my dreams, but, like I said, words are only words.

Lateral Move

2010-11-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes looking in the mirror reminds me of speaking with an old friend. Someone long removed from my personal life; someone I'd almost forgotten. Mirrors never lie. Our reflections look us in the eye, never stab us in the back, and they never spare the details. I think mirrors have a lot of power. Late at night, sometimes I'll just stand and look in the mirror. Not because I'm beautiful, but more that I feel I need to know myself a bit better. I have spent a lot of my life awake when I should have been sleeping, although lately I feel it's more the opposite.

Life has an interesting way of maneuvering us into different positions for things to happen. People often act surprised when life throws them off track a little, but honestly I don't feel that the 'track' is all that linear. Birds don't fly in a straight line all the time, nor do fish swim directly forward eternally. I have a hard time believing that forward is always the best option.

I've heard the term 'lateral move' a lot lately. Basically it means that you decide on something that doesn't increase your position nor hurt you in the long run. There's nothing wrong with lateral moves; in football, sometimes moving to the outside can open up the field. Others, you get annihilated by a linebacker. Either way, 'lateral moves' are irrelevant. It's the person making the choice that matters.

Don't get me wrong; I definitely think we should be trying to move forward in all aspects of our lives. But I've had a hard time throughout my life at any point that I feel I am just standing still. A mentor of mine has said that even though we are on the right track, that doesn't mean you won't get hit by a train if you're just standing still. That has stuck with me a lot lately. I want to progress, but the opportunity hasn't quite presented itself yet.

So, I will pretend to be a patient person and make a lateral move. I am going to take the time I have before the proverbial train arrives and better myself in ways that don't relate to my ultimate goal. I have songs to write, a book to finish, and a new album to record. I have friends I haven't seen in what feels like a decade and friends I still am yet to make. I have books to read, weight to lose, and projects to finish. I'm making a lateral move.

I know I haven't posted in a while, and that too is something I want to change. Blogs are a great way to vent pent-up emotions, so buckle up. This might happen more than just once every three months. Those of you in my life who support me, I thank you. Those that don't; well, I'll prove you wrong.

Tornado of Souls

2010-07-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

The winds of change are blowing, and life is extremely interesting. One of my favorite songs is Tornado of Souls by Megadeth. In the end, that's all life is; a violent maelstrom of ups and downs. I have found peace in the chaos as of late...despite how painful adaptation can be.

I have had a very interesting few months. I have been working like crazy, trying to maintain a regular sleep schedule (failed!), and trying to balance all of my spinning plates...Needless to say, it's been difficult. But anyone that knows me knows that I don't back down from challenging situations. However, little things like blogging and recording often suffer.

I love what I do. I have been a massage therapist for over 2 years now, and I still enjoy doing the work. The beautiful thing is that I don't actually have to be doing the work to enjoy it. I love that when I am in the classroom as a TA, I get to share my love for my work with future massage therapists. Students tend to be a little painful at times, and yes, there are some interesting people who go to massage school, but I love it all the same. My life has been greatly enriched by some of the people I have met and I've also made some incredible friendships with the teachers that I work for. I have had my biggest class load ever this last term, and I've realized just how much I love being there.

We finally moved! Yay! I don't live in a crappy apartment with squishy walls, leaky windows, and broken doorknobs anymore! We've moved in to a basement apartment in Orem, complete with 3 bedrooms, internet, and cable! Let me just say that DVRs are quite possibly the best inventions EVER.

I have found myself struggling mentally over the past little while. That's not really a new thing for me, but it's to a point now that I am getting concerned. I find myself obsessing over little insignificant things that often lead to a horrific night of not sleeping. I have done a bit of research, and it turns out a lot of insomniacs are treated for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I laughed at first, but the wheels have kept turning in my head. I'm starting to wonder if it might be a valid argument for my lack of sleep. Don't get me wrong; I don't freak about washing my hands 1000 times a day or have to have all my clothes color coordinated in reverse alphabetical order...but there are things that I have to check several times a night and things that irritate me if they are out of place. Interesting thought.

I have come to realize just how much I don't know about myself. I spend most of my days watching and evaluating the general public's posture and walking habits, yet I don't take much time for introspection on myself. I consider my inner self a dangerous and foreign person; volatile, manipulative, secretive...apparently, I think I'm a ninja inside :) But keeping yourself in check isn't always a good thing. I've always had a hard time trusting anyone but myself, and a lot of my personal experiences have driven that antitrust even deeper. I find myself wearing the proverbial masks on a daily basis. I wonder just how many people really know me...Who sees through the cracks in the porcelain? Can I?

My blogs are a little erratic...but hopefully this one is semi-relevant.

PS. Batman is so much better than Superman. I've been arguing with a good friend of mine about this, and, since I posted it on my blog, I win. Don't bother arguing. Accept it. It's cold hard fact.

"One More Day"

2010-03-11T19:17:00.000-08:00

There are always so many things I want to write about, but never any words to say them. I have had a crazy few weeks, between grading finals and trying my best to get taxes and things in order. But I had a very interesting experience this week and thought I would write it down.

Sometimes working at a massage college is incredible. Sometimes it's wicked difficult. Sometimes I have a hard time getting excited to go to work, and others I can't wait. For most of this last term, I have been having a hard time getting excited. But it wasn't why you might think. I realized the end was coming for one of my favorite classes. When a class graduates, it's bittersweet for me. I make some great friendships with the students, and when they graduate, I know I may never see many of them again. That's hard for me, seeing as I'm not very good at goodbyes.

Yesterday started out pretty typical of a finals week day...I woke up and showered, had a good breakfast (that is only typical TO finals weeks), and left for work. I arrived and saw the familiar faces of the graduating class. They were nervous for their finals, so I gave my usual words of encouragement and told them they'd be fine. What was different was the feeling I had saying those words for the last time. I left them to go to my class, thinking about the road that brought them to this point...one so similar to my own a few years back.

I chose to spend the whole day at the campus with the grads-to-be. I have always felt a bond with this class, and I think they felt one with myself as well. I sat through their final class with them by choice, listening to their plans following graduation. I don't know why I chose to sit through it, but I felt drawn to their classroom all day. I have never done that before. Towards the end, following the little cryfest that is almost every class's last session, I asked the instructor if I could say a few words. I couldn't really think about anything except my own class from 2 years ago, and the words I left them with. I wrote a song the night before my last class, and I decided I would recite the words to this new class, in the same room that last heard them 2 years ago.

How many days will I wait
to find the words I couldn't say?
How many days will it take
for the sun to chase the clouds away?
How many nights I lay awake
to see the stars before they're gone
How many more will I wait
before I know I'm not the only one

Don't say goodbye
I'll remember, I'll remember you
Don't say goodbye
I don't want to be just a memory
Don't say goodbye
We still have one more day

As I recited those words to the class, the unthinkable happened; my voice broke, and tears ran down my cheeks. The class then lined up and gave me hugs and said thank you, but I could barely speak and tell them how proud I am of them. My emotions overtook me I guess. I didn't really know what to think...You see, I don't show most of my emotions to the students or the rest of the world for that matter. I don't know what it was, but the unity of the class mirrored so much of my own class, and being in the very same room...I don't know...call it deja' vu maybe. I don't know why it happened, but I guess I'm glad that it did. It's nice to be reminded of the things I felt for my class so long ago and that I still feel them.

I don't want anyone to think I don't feel strongly for each and every class that has come through those doors. But the circumstances just created the right chemistry for the moment. I have since decided to record the song "One More Day" and post it for each and every person that has come in to my life because of UCMT, and for that matter each and every person to come in to my life at all. I love each of you. If I haven't said it lately, thank you. Those words are for you.

Resolved

2010-01-02T14:58:00.000-08:00

I've decided to make a concrete list of resolutions this year. I don't really know why; I just felt like it. Hopefully I will keep them :)

1. I want to play at least 5 shows this year. Be it by myself or with a band, I feel I need to stop talking about it and start playing again. Performing is kind of a drug; sometimes you just need to be in front of people and make an idiot out of yourself. More than anything, I need to prove to myself that I'm not a poser. I think this is doable based on the math; a show every two months or so, with wiggle room for a third month if needed.

2. I am going to record another album this year, possibly two. I have so many new songs written, and so many I would like to re-record now that I know what I'm doing. As I lay down the tracks I can add so much to them, i.e. vocal harmonies, solos, and various other dynamics I can't do by myself. I also have a very cute wife with a very good voice, and I have a few songs she sings with me that I'd love to share. Be excited.

3. I would love to be mostly out of debt by the end of the year, but that probably won't happen. This is my long term goal...Borrowed money isn't and never will be my money. I don't like taking money from anyone that I didn't earn, but it is a necessary evil when your car dies/you go to massage school/blah blah blah...Basically, I don't want to owe anyone anything. I'll keep this one for a few years I imagine.

4. I plan on getting a massage, a GOOD massage, at least once a month. I need it to repair the wear-and-tear on my body from doing massage, not to mention the stupid things that happens to my body. I tend to fall on the ice a lot, trip down the stairs (or up the stairs), and a million other hilarious-yet-costly blunders. If you need all the reasons massage is good for you, just ask. I could write a novel on it.

5. I want to finish The Nemesis Diary. For those of you who don't know, The Nemesis Diary is a story that I've been writing for the last few months. It's posted on http://thenemesisdiary.blogspot.com, and I would love any comments you have. It has been very good for me to dust off my creative writing mind and focus on a story again. I dream about it :).

6. There are a few other things I want to do for sure, but they are more on a personal level. Things I'd like to change about myself, my attitude, etc. I'm sure we all have these to some degree, but I have put mine off for far too long. Pay attention, I might surprise you in the near future.

7. This is a little one...I am thinking I want to try acupuncture for my insomnia/depression. I don't know much about it, but a good friend of mine recommended it to me. Some of you know that I am terrified of needles, but I am getting really sick of relying on pills that work only half the time. I am in control of my life, not my fears. I will not let them rule me, especially when it's something that might work.

Thanks for reading! Now go to The Nemesis Diary and tell me what you think!

just kidding...

2009-10-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

Hey so I'm retarded and wrote the wrong web address for my story...it is actually http:/thenemesisdiary.blogspot.com

I really would appreciate any input you might have.

Nemesis Diary

2009-10-19T17:08:00.000-07:00

I have started working on a new story. I haven't flexed my creative writing muscles in a while, so I thought I would give it a shot. I would appreciate any and all input and criticism.

I am really excited to be doing this, so I started a new blog just for my story. It's called The Nemesis Diary. It will be told from the perspective of a man known as Nemesis, who is not really what you'd call a 'hero.' You'll have to read it and let me know what you think.

www.blogspot.com/thenemesisdiary

Add me, and I'll keep writing as I get time.

Note to Self

2009-10-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Steve,

As gorgeous and ridiculously intelligent as you are, I have something I must bring to your attention. You are a complete and utter moron sometimes. I know it is difficult to hear this, but we both know that it's true.

I am extremely impressed with how you achieved your goal of a month without soda or caffeine. You dropped ten pounds, and proved that you could do it to all of the naysayers out there. It sucked, but you did it. I am also happy you are back on the drinks; the neighbor kids don't seem to be as frightened of you...

That was the good part. Now, why you are an idiot...Firstly (is that even a word?), you took a ten day trip to California. That wasn't the dumb part...the dumb part was that you knew about it for months ahead of time, and still managed to skip that whole saving money thing...it was less about going on vacation for ten days, and more about not working for ten days. Granted the economy kind of kills a lot of business in the massage world, I'm sure you could have saved money by skipping out on the Carl's Jr. and enjoying/choking down cereal instead. Nice.

Then there was that whole thing with being a psycho...medications are expensive! Not really your fault, but that still doesn't make it a good idea to not take your anti-anxiety/sleeping pills. This will lead you to a horrific pair of nights without sleep, and encourages that nasty 3 hour panic attack that hit you around 2 AM the other night...Seriously? Did you fall on your head and get stupid?

And to cap it all off, you were lucky enough to not pay attention to all the beautiful *cough, cough* corrosion building up on the contacts of your truck battery...This leads to a DEAD battery, and a fun time of cutting off one contact and paying $85 for a new battery. Good thing your dad is good with cars eh?

So...what have we learned? With you, probably nothing...however, you probably have even more issues than you first thought...you are writing a blog to yourself dude...good luck with that.

Sincerely,
Steve

Is deprivation = to massochism?

2009-08-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am one stubborn dude. Many of you already know this. I've been walking to the beat of my own drum my whole life, and I always will. Recently I've decided that I have a few problems I'd like to take care of. This is my blog describing these issues and the reason behind them.

1. I am 10 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time. That puts me at almost 20 pounds heavier than I was in high school. This does not sit well with me. I have always been rather proud of my physique, and I've kind of let it go a bit. I decided to change this. I have begun a rather vigorous training regiment, much of it revolving around Wii Fit. This sounds silly but that game kicks your butt! I have also started running...RUNNING! I also have decided to let go of soda for a while. I'll elaborate in a minute. So far I've started losing, so I feel pretty good about that.

2. Soda is my favorite, especially Mountain Dew or Cherry Coke; Dr. Pepper and regular Coke are also very good. I probably drink 5 or 6 cans of something a day, which translates into around 550-600 calories per day. Therefore, I've decided to kick it for a while. I don't know how long I'll go, but I will give it a shot for at least a week. This is more about proving that I don't need it than losing weight. I've always said the world wouldn't be safe if I was off the juice, and so I've hesitated. Well kids, I'm 4 days into it...it sucks! I have never wanted a drink so bad in my life! But I haven't killed anyone...so far...and I have done pretty well for the most part. I feel a bit more focused at work, even if my brain isn't firing quite as fast as I'm used to. The really messed up thing is that it's ruined what's left of my sleeping patterns. You'd think with zero caffeine you'd sleep better; I've had a horrible time! I'm even on sleeping pills and I can't sleep! UGH! However, I do feel myself getting used to the idea.

I'll post if anything dramatic happens, but we'll just have to see. I will say this though; I feel a fire inside of me that I haven't felt for a while. Man your battle stations; this is war.

Things You Shouldn't Say or Ask an LMT and more...

2009-08-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

There are a number of things that are very interesting about my career; the stigmas, the news stories about people acting on those stigmas, and some of the most uncomfortable situations imaginable. I've decided to shed some light on some of those things. This will hopefully clear some things up about the massage world for those 'massage virgins' out there.

1. Never EVER refer to a Licensed Massage Therapist as a 'masseuse.' Masseuse entails sexual favors in addition to (more often than not) lackluster massage skills. I suppose there are LMT's out there that do these outright illegal things, and they give us a bad name. There have been a number of massage parlors shut down for this lately, and they shame me...

2. Having a male massage therapist does not guarantee a deeper, rougher massage than having a 90 pound girl would give. In school, I got my trash kicked by said girl, and I love to tell people that. It's not about size or muscle; what we do is about body weight and leverage. Do not let anyone tell you different.

3. We do not use our chins to massage...ever! One of my teachers in school had someone ask her if she was using her chin! She was working on the guy's butt too! First of all, gross. Secondly, that really wouldn't work seeing as you can't get any leverage whatsoever. So really, that just doesn't work.

4. Yes, I have had people fart in my face. My wife has had someone poop their pants on the table. There are other things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in this public forum, but yes, gross stuff happens. We pretty much ignore it, so it's not really that big of a deal...

5. Sometimes we really DON'T want to talk about some of the drama in your life...Your daughter's sexuality is definitely one of those things (yes, I've been there). Other things I wouldn't bring up would be anything sexual of any kind, your wild days of drug use and alcoholism, or, especially for me, please don't tell me all of your political views and how much you love or hate Obama. I'll be honest; I DON'T REALLY CARE.

6. It is actually very entertaining to see people's reaction to my telling them what I do. I get a variety of looks, questions, and of course, the lean. The lean, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, is when someone starts rubbing a specific joint or muscle and says "Oh really? Because I've been hurting a lot in this area." and proceeds to lean in as a subtle hint to work on them. We hate this. We know most of the time you are half-kidding, but we get it A LOT. So, I have come up with a great response to this..."Well, my rates our 50 an hour. My number is ____. Give me a call and we'll set something up." I have been pleased with the results.

This has been kind of a random one eh? I hope you enjoyed the read. Yes, I love what I do. But as you have come to notice, I need a little rant here and there.

Truth is Currency

2009-07-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

This is one of those blogs that popped up in my head at about 3 this morning. I can't get it out of my head, so I'll put it up and hopefully it makes sense.

What is truth? Truth is the currency that all good things are based around and the bad things are always seeking to destroy. Truth is the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, and yet it is also an impenetrable wall protecting those who defend it. Truth is the light in the darkness, and yet the road to truth is often the hardest road to find. Truth is unbreakable; truth can shatter the soul into infinitisimal pieces. Truth is as hard and cold as ice, yet sometimes it warms and comforts us to the core.

I think about truth a lot. I try to base everything I do and say around it, even though I know it may be hard to accept sometimes. The hardest thing for me is that truth has a tendency to change based on perception. Not only that, but opinion has its say on truth. I dare say that 'the right thing' for some is not necessarily true for others.

So, riddle me this Batman...what IS truth?

2009-07-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

After attending the Transformers movie last week, it brought up some issues that I have...not with the movie, but with the public in general...so I have compiled a nice and neat little blog to rant about it. They are things that I think must go. Enjoy.

1. I think the most obnoxious thing in the whole world is when you are watching a movie and the people next to you cannot keep their mouth shut. They giggle, they laugh obnoxiously, and I miss critical moments of Megan Fox...I mean the movie...And then they have the nerve to shoosh people! Seriously! If you want to talk during a movie, go pee or something. I'm sure the porcelain gods would LOVE to hear about your boyfriend.

2. I also greatly dislike when people say 'That band/movie/book sucks." Really. Isn't it fascinating that record companies pour money in to these bands, not to mention book publishers and movie companies trying to finance something they believe is of value to the general public. It's fine if you don't like something, but if it's on the airwaves or the big screen, obviously it means other people do. A great example of this is the band Nickelback. You love em or you hate em. That's all well and good...but to say they suck when they've sold millions of albums is rather naive, don't you think?

3. There is a very annoying habit among the general public in regards to my profession...The minute anyone learns that I am a massage therapist, they do the whole "Really? Well, my shoulder has really been hurting..." and they leave it hanging as the rub it and lean closer. If you know someone who is a massage therapist, don't do this! It's not funny; it's not cute. It's extremely irritating and working on you becomes the last thing we want to do. We spend all day working on people, enjoying the flow of cash as we do it. We also tend to be pretty giving people. However, when you do this, you might as well tell me to clean your bathroom while I'm at it. Maybe you can hire a monkey to put up with your shenanigans.

4. Dishwashers that don't actually do anything but spit a little water on your dishes have to go. We have had trouble with ours since we moved in to our apartment and have instead opted to wash by hand...then it becomes difficult to want to do them due to the soap that somehow gets everywhere, wrinkly hands that smell funny, smelly water, and trying to find a dish towel somewhere in the cupboards...Sad I know, but I've lived here for about 2 years and I still can't find them!

5. Finally, the sick voice must go. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sick voice, it is pretty easy to recognize. Have you ever met those people who any time they 'get sick' , elevate their vocal range to that of a boy going through puberty? That high, airy sounding voice that always includes a sigh that sounds like Santa died? If you really don't know what I'm talking about, you need to get out more. I might as well be a hermit and I hear it EVERYWHERE.

Thank you. I feel a little better.

Happy in the Meantime

2009-06-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting month or so...however long it's been since my last blog. I spent the majority of it at UCMT grading finals, which is absolute misery for me. It is so difficult to put a grade on people. All in all the students did well, which is good.

This summer is looking fairly good so far. I'm headed out to the City of Sin next week for a skin conference with Keish and my sister/sister's husband, and I'm pretty stoked about it. My car died last week, so I got a new one. It's a Kia Rondo, and I'm enjoying it. Hopefully I'll be able to hold on to this one for a while. We're also gearing up for a Disneyland trip in the fall, so hopefully we can stash some money from now til then.

No news from the Golden Door Spa in Park City for Keish yet, but for some reason I'm not too worried. The people that have heard something have been given No's, so I'm cool with waiting for it a bit. Unfortunately, neither Keish nor myself were blessed with patience, so we'll see how long that lasts. I'm mostly just enjoying the time I get to spend with her due to her not working as much.

You could say life is never easy and this economy isn't very beneficial to a Massage Therapist, but we're doing pretty well all things considered. I'm not as busy as I could be, but I'm content...for now. One of my favorite bands Lit wrote a song called "Happy in the Meantime" which pretty much describes how I'm feeling. Look it up. It's a good one.

2009-05-19T18:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look into the mirror, and ask myself some pretty simple questions...at least, on the surface they sound easy.

Who am I? Well, that depends on the day. I've been accused of being reckless, unstable, sarcastic, and oft times too honest. I was told that I have no soul the other day, based on my innate ability to withstand ridiculous amounts of pain during Structural and Trigger Point massage. Yes, they are both intense. But I just don't show it I guess. So basically, I'm to understand that I am an incredibly honest psychopath with little to no soul...Ain't that a great thought on a Tuesday morning...

Where am I going? Usually work, sometimes crazy...Most often I am attempting to find something to do...Even if it involves going to Walmart at 2 in the morning. Where I'd like to go is wherever I can find myself...Sometimes I think our identity gets lost when we get stuck in routine.

What do I want from life? Usually a Mountain Dew and an evening with a horror movie or a few hours to play MegaMan. Now that I think about it a motorcycle would really be a cherry on top...Seriously though, a Mountain Dew would be fantastic.

What am I destined to become? I have been told that I am a lot like my father...If I end up half the man he is, I can call it a day. I want to take my career further. I want to transcend everyone's expectations of me. I want someone to come up to me one day and say, "Your song called _____ got me through a really hard time. Thank you for writing it." I don't see that one happening anytime soon, but I've always wanted that to happen. Or maybe I should become a werewolf. That'd be sweet...

If you can't tell, this is mostly a tongue-in-cheek blog. I'm in an introspective, slightly unbalanced mode. Grading finals will do that to you I guess. Sorry if you are irritated by the fact that some of this is dead serious, and other parts are not. Sometimes it's just better to let out all your thoughts rather than suppress them.

Fallen

2009-05-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

This is the latest song I'm working on. It's called Fallen. I could use some input. This will be a lot more of a rock song than you're used to from me. Think Matchbox 20-Third Eye Blind kind of thing. I'll post a recording later.

If these walls could talk
I wonder what they'd say
They know I had it all
They know I gave it all away
It took the worst in me
to find a better place
It's no surprise the writing on the wall
can never be erased and

I'm falling, I'm falling down
I'm holding on to something, don't let it be all or nothing
I'm falling, I'm falling down
I hear the voices calling, don't let it be all for nothing

If the sun went down
and the night was still
And I lay in bed awake
nothing but time to kill
If I keep dreaming
I'm afraid I'll always be alone
So just leave a light on
Maybe I'll find my way back home

I'm falling, I'm falling down
I'm holding out for something, still I know it's all or nothing
I'm falling, I'm falling down
I hear the voices calling, don't let it be all for nothing

And I wanted you to see
There's nothing more to life, nothing more than how hard we try
I wanted everything,
But there's nothing else, nothing else but you and I.

2009-05-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

This week has been a pedal-to-the-metal kind of week. I had 2 finals to grade, a night I barely slept, and a killer toothache. For those of you who didn't read my status on facebook, I think tooth pain can suck it. That being said, I don't mind being busy.

I have really been working on the songs I want to record. Unfortunately, I can't play 3/4 of the things I want to include in said songs. I am pushing forward, and have made some progress. It appears Strong Enough, the first song on my cd, will also be on the new one...

I feel that I am approaching a significant change. You know how you can just feel it sometimes? Well, I can hear it coming...But, like always, I'll evolve. I don't think I've met anyone who enjoys change, but the human race, like the animal kingdom, has the innate ability to evolve. Evolution demands a change; sometimes subtle, sometimes earth-shattering. I think it may have to do with Keisha's interview in Park City tonight for a position at the Golden Door Spa. The GDS is basically her Mecca. It may require a few changes if she gets it, but we're ready for it.

Still, I feel there is more to it than that. I am so excited to be a T.A. at UCMT, but I wonder where it will take me. I love it. It's by far the best job I've ever had, but to what end does one do a job that isn't about money?

Dentists scare me. I have an appointment tomorrow. And I'm scared.

Sometimes life takes me by surprise. Sometimes I see things coming from miles away. True of most people? Probably. But I guess there is nothing left to do but be patient and wait. I'm not really good at that...

By the way, I have Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi stuck in my head. Don't judge me.

New songs

2009-04-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

I put up two new songs on my myspace music page (www.myspace.com/sbarrington). I would love any input you might have. I've also decided that I need to finish up my new album. Here are the songs I'm thinking about putting on it.

Inside Out
Torn
Always Missing You
Storm
Come Back Down
Halo
In My Hands
The Freshman (cover of the Verve Pipe)
Strong Enough
Unbreakable.

I know that many of these will be new to you. That's the idea with a new record I think... Any other opinions of songs you've heard me play would be helpful. I always look for new songs to cover or just songs people like.

And now, the apology

2009-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that my previous blog may have been...well...depressing. I apologize for that. I tend to paint my pictures in the darker shades, or so it would appear. I have since acquired a small sense of stability.

The hardest thing in this world is to be unsure of where you fit in the greater scheme of things. I have come to the understanding within myself that I need to set some goals and chase them down. I've been neglecting the pursuit of my own goals to help my sweet little Keish chase hers.

We talk about our 'vision' a lot in massage school. Our vision is actually where we want to go with our careers. So, I've come to the conclusion that my vision has changed a bit. It appears it's time.

2009-04-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't like myself. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way once in a while, but I find myself there quite a bit lately. I am drawn to a quote by Aristotle that I learned at UCMT...

"Soul and body react sympathetically upon each other; a change in the state of the soul produces a change in the shape of the body and conversely, a change in the shape of the body produces a change in the state of the soul."

Basically, this is a great metaphor for massage/bodywork, but I find myself stuck on it lately. I have seen this happen in many, many bodies that I've worked on or observed, and yet I am struggling to make it happen in my own life. As I try to repair the damage to my own body, I feel as if my soul works against me. Conversely, if I work on the damage and wounds on my soul, I feel as if my body is working against me. It's pretty frustrating.

All of this reminds me of the legend of the phoenix. A bird of fire is born, lives it's long life, then dies as it bursts into flame and falls to ash. Then, it is reborn, and repeats the cycle, therefore making it a great symbol for eternity and immortality. I am feeling a bit like my world is on fire.

Epiphany

2009-03-01T21:55:00.000-08:00

This blog is not necessarily going to be much of a surprise to people who know my music...but I have had an epiphany! *cue the angelic chorus/hendrix guitar solo*

For those who don't know or are just unaware, I have been playing and writing songs on my guitar for a very, VERY, long time. I played a show on the 26th, and felt an oh-so-familiar feeling...disappointment. Now let me explain something...I'm a perfectionist, and I make no secrets about it. I didn't play the most flawless show. But, something was bothering me aside from that...

I've come a very long way since 2005 when I played my first solo show, opening for my friend John Allred at the Hogi Yogi I used to work in. I organized the show, and I was blissfully ignorant as to just how bad my original songs were...I enjoyed that one immensely...but in almost every concert since, I have had this, I don't know, sinking feeling after each performance. Some were better than others, and some just weren't very good. I know my songs are at least ok, since I've recorded a few songs and dissected them over and over...but they were recordings; not performances. I have been blessed to open up for John a few more times, along with Spiral Diary, Jordan's Memory, Debra Fotheringham, Pleasant Tree, Postcards Home, and a handful of others. I'm extremely grateful to each of these groups, but I couldn't shake this feeling.

Another thing I was unaware of until recently was this; all of the aforementioned groups play what I will call acoustic rock...And when I realized that, I realized that I don't play that style...mine is closer to ACTUAL rock! Who knew? This explains the empty feeling, due to the fact that half my song is missing without the harmonies, solos, leads, and other guitar parts I hear on my recordings! Amazing! This may not mean much to the rest of you, but I now know the feel my songs should have and therefore I'm not trying to be John Allred or Dave from Spiral Diary! I have my own sound! I know my strengths now! So if I use my new insight, my songs will improve! And also, I will probably bring a second musician to back me up in all of my shows now...or open for other acts...who knows?

Needless to say kids, I'm stoked. I've recorded some really cool things in the last 2 weeks, and I can't wait to share them. If you want to hear what I already have done, go to www.myspace.com/sbarrington.

A poison has taken me...

2009-02-21T14:59:00.000-08:00

Often in my life, I get strange looks for talking to myself. I enjoy telling people that I am just trying to inspire the little tiny rock band in my head to write better music. Unfortunately, I am a perfectionist in the extreme variety, so they often fall short. In the end, I see it more as myself falling short, because I strongly doubt my little band was able to squeeze a bass drum through my auditory canal.

I'm quite frustrated at the moment. I can write lyrics, but they all end up falling short as I try and add them to music. I have my show next week, which makes me nervous by itself. I always like having at least 2 new songs per show, and I honestly haven't finished even 1 since the end of the year. Maybe it's writer's block...but maybe I'm just uninspired.

At least once a year, I end up hitting a point that I wish I could avoid. I just become apathetic, and the only thing that seems to matter at all is that nothing seems to phase me one way or another. I watched the new Friday the 13th movie, loved it, and by the time I was home, I felt empty again. Being inside my own head really sucks sometimes.

Let's see...Maybe I can find something to talk about that I at least half care about...A ha! My friend John Allred is re-releasing his first album, Some Place New, in April. He's made some changes and I can hardly wait! Unfortunately, that's still 2 months away.

Maybe what's really bothering me is that I can't make sense of the voices in my head. Some are screaming at me to pull out my electric Ibanez and rattle the windows...but then others are pleading with me to write a ballad that would mean as much to others as it does to myself. That's been something I've always struggled with; writing something less personal and more universal.

Sorry this is kind of a downer. I'm trying to vent out my frustrations, but even now I just don't care. If anyone knows the antidote to apathy, let me know.

2009-02-05T13:25:00.001-08:00

I'm sure there are many things I could be better at. Answering my phone, working out and eating better, keeping in touch with old friends, and piles and piles of other shouldawouldacouldas. I find ignoring them to be a suitable activity, until I realize that I really do want to better myself. So, I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm mentally blocking myself from pulling the trigger and doing it. Worse still, I couldn't care less most of the time. So this is my list of things that bother me that I am going to try and change.

1. I'm going to start marketing for my massage business. I'm really busy with being a TA at UCMT, but it's time. I had my first full day (meaning I was booked) of massage since the beginning of November, and I think I could handle it a bit more often.

2. I really need to find better daytime TV than the court shows. They're really entertaining, but I can only handle so much abuse to the english language.

3. I hate, and I mean HATE doing the dishes. I'm fine with laundry, even cooking. But I really hate doing the dishes. It's easier to ignore them...Unfortunately, they don't disappear very often...

4. I drink a lot of soda, but that probably won't change. I'm just saying.

5. The smell of a turkey and swiss sandwich from Arby's permeates through my messy car, and I kind of enjoy it. What's odd is there isn't a sandwich IN the car...

6. I anxiously wait for movies to come out, yet I don't often go and see them. I've started to change that one already...Matt pretty much rocks #6

So there you have it... A short list of things that bother me about myself. I find myself refreshed enough to recite something that has changed my life many times over throughout my 22 years...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hmm...I may not get 'em all, but I'll give it a shot. Wish me luck.

Fire and Ice...and Wood and Metal and Earth...

2009-01-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

So I had a great conversation with my wife Keisha last night in regards to what we, in the bodywork business, refer to as Energy Work. For those of you who think you don't know what that is, it just so happens that you do! Ever hear of Acupuncture? Shiatsu? No? Not so much? Not even a little?

The beauty of Energy Work is that it takes a lot less muscle/coordination/moving than your average cookie-cutter massage. Unfortunately, it takes a whole lot MORE focus on the therapist's part. It is a lot harder than you think (at least for me it was) to make certain that you are completely focused on the energy you are creating.

Energy Work gets a bad rap around the medical community. People don't believe that energy, referred to as "Chi" is real. They don't believe that simply holding points, putting pins in these same points, or softly manipulating the bones of the skull with about as much pressure as the weight of a coin in your hand can really rid someone of chronic migraines, get rid of pain, and even release pent-up emotions. Some people do believe in it, but not nearly as many that should.

So now you might ask "But Steve! What kind of things are considered Energy Work? Do you know any of them?" I would smile and nod, saying "Yes. As a matter of fact I do." Unfortunately I'm not near as good at them as I am Injury, Trigger Point, or Structural Integration. Now then, in answer to the first question, I have created a list...It won't have all the types for sure, because I only know a few. But there is a world of energy out there...

Acupuncture- Acupuncture is the method of hooking small needles through the top layer of skin above specific points called "Acupoints." You can actually break it down even more into smaller classes of points like "Tsu Points" or "Bo points." This is a modality that is incredibly old, starting very early on in ancient oriental history. They used it to heal and also relax...and they CONTINUE TO USE IT TODAY! Sometimes people even light the little needles on fire! Pretty cool stuff. That's as much as I know on that subject.

Acupressure- Acupressure is a bit different than Acupuncture. Acupressure does not use the little needle gizmos; it gains its energy from the therapist themselves. The therapist supplies the energy by focusing their Chi, which in and of itself is not easy. They then use a light touch on the same "Acupoints" and simply hold them for a while. It is from the same background as Acupuncture, and it is amazing. I love to receive it. Anyway, it is used to help people relax, get rid of pain, even help in the delivery of a baby!

Note: Different problems correspond to different areas to work, which lie in the midst of what we call Meridians. The Meridians are named after the elements; Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth. There is also personality traits that correspond to those same five. I can put up a test sometime if you want to see what you are...

Shiatsu- Shiatsu is Japanese for "finger pressure." It also works with the Meridians, but it's not really similar other than that. You do this work on the floor, adding stretches and compressions to different areas. It's used to increase mobility and flexibility through your entire body. It is pretty freakin' sweet! I happen to rock the world at Shiatsu. I even own a nice Shiatsu mat to use!

Cranio-Sacral Therapy- This is used to manipulate the bones of your skull through doing simple lifting and compressing of certain areas on the head. This one is actually used by chiropractors (sometimes) and massage therapists alike. It can do some amazing things. It is used a lot for headaches, which is why it is so valuable for MT's like myself. We see A LOT of people with headaches. It is also very relaxing, and has been known to put people to sleep. Being an insomniac, I can reassure you that it works!

Now, after all of that background, I can fill you in on my talk with my Beloved. She tends to excell in this area of massage; I don't. I can do it, but I just don't have the connection to the energy like she does. We got talking, and would like to start implementing it into our practice. If you are interested in trying any of these out, we'd be happy to oblige...provided you are not currently a student at UCMT, either of us can work on you. If you are a student, then Keish still could, but I signed a non-fraternization clause that would conflict with my working on you.

Do yourself a favor. Take me up on this. I'll make it worth your while. For every client that you refer to us that repeats (returns at least once) , I will give you a free 30 minute massage. Not bad yeah? We also offer Hot Stone massage as well as Structural Integration, Trigger Point, Deep Tissue, Reflexology, and Sports massage. You scratch my back, and I'll make yours feel amazing.

The Exorcism of Your Body's Demons

2009-01-23T13:53:00.000-08:00

So it recently occured to me just how cool bodywork/massage therapy really is. I mean, I already knew, but I received a few reminders in the last month or two that really reiterated the point. I thought I would talk about them a bit.

About a month ago, I worked on someone we'll call Wendy for privacy's sake. Wendy had been having some back problems, mostly due to a fused vertebra in her lower back and sitting at a desk all day long. I gave her the quick interrogation I always do, trying to isolate the root of the problem and bring any chronic holding patterns to light. For those of you who don't know what a chronic holding pattern is, I will enlighten you. A CHP is an unconcious shortening of tissue due to repetition of an action. For example, you could be elevating a shoulder to hold your phone to your ear or holding a child on the same hip.

Anyway, Wendy was in some severe pain and had very little range of motion in her entire back. I decided I would use some Injury techniques mixed with my specialty, Trigger Point. Trigger Point is focused on eliminating the 'knots' everyone has. (It's starting to seem like I need to post a glossary of terms...maybe I'll work on that later). I began my work in her upper neck and shoulders, trying to determine if the trigger points up north could be cranking on the southern regions of the torso. I found several good ones, some that even get my favorite nickname for a trigger point, 'demons.'

And then Wendy said it...She looked up as we finished on a particularly nasty one, and said "OH! You're like an exorcist!" I found it very difficult to stop laughing! She giggled and confessed she had just watched "The Exorcist" recently, so it had just been on the surface of her mind. We had a good laugh, joking that I should put my new title on my business cards. We finished up, and lo and behold, Wendy was standing up straight! The trigger points had definitely been detrimental to her already injured back. She thanked me, left me a $10 tip, and went on to get her adjustment from one of the chiropractors I work for.

I haven't seen Wendy since, but for us bodyworkers, sometimes that's a good sign. She hasn't been in the office to see one of the doctors either, so I suppose that's positive.

I also had an interesting experience working on my sister the other night. She had been suffering from severe neck pain, radiating all the way into her shoulders and back. I was in Mesquite with my wife Keisha when it first set in, so my poor sis had to wait for my return earlier this week for any help in getting relief, aside from the magic pill Percoset(?). I called her when I heard and determined that it was probably a nerve trapped in between muscles. In football, they call what she had a "stinger."

I began working on her, which, for the record, was intense. I basically had to chisel granite off the top of her shoulders to get down to the likely culprits of her pain. It was tough going at first; it took about 1/2 an hour to see much in the way of progress. I pulled out my Structural tools (strokes) and, with renewed determination, started being a bit more agressive. We focused all over the shoulder girdle, into the pecs, up the neck, and down the arms. We even busted out some old school Mineral Ice (it's like Icy Hot I think) to try and soothe her pissed off muscles. Finally, I remembered something from one of my first classes in school; vibration has sedative properties. I asked my mom if she had a vibrating massager, and she found one for me to use.

This, my friends, is where it gets cool! I placed it on the top of her shoulder, right above the AC joint. All of a sudden, her arm started twitching and flipping around of its own accord! I have never seen a limb jump like that! I moved the massager, and it stopped. I put it back, and someone call Dancing With the Stars! The vibration softened the tissue, and I was finally able to work the trigger points and muscles causing the majority of the problems. She felt better when she left, and I hope to hear she's on the mend.

I really love what I do. I have never had a job that instilled this much passion in me. I hope to the heavens I am able to do this for a long time. There's a lot of bodies in the world that need exorcising, and The Exorcist is on the hunt!

American Idol vs. American Idiocy

2009-01-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

Only once a year (for a number of weeks) do we get to see the phenomenon known as American Idol...which is both regrettable yet at the same time a bit fortunate. I find myself drawn to it, both as a fan of music, and as a fan of trainwrecks (musically of course). It is indeed an oddity in my personality; I'm not often conflicted on things. But this is different...I guess...

First of all, one must divulge the x-factor of American Idol...the raw musical talent buried deep in the small towns and large cities of this great nation. Originally, I despised the show. Then, I watched the season finale' won by Carrie Underwood. To be completely honest, I kept watching because she is not...well, ugly...Anyway, I had an interest in the show from then on.

The next season started, sluggish at first, but the momentum started building when I heard a few great auditions. Then it came to the stage; and I was bored out of my mind. However, a soft-spoken Southerner came on and sang "Hemorrhage" by Fuel. I have, to this day, never heard it sung better. I have never jumped up and down on a couch from a performance before or since, and I had to bow down to Chris Daughtry.

The season progressed, and Mr. Daughtry was robbed! A few short months after the Grey-Haired, Dancing Nobody won, Daughtry's album came out and exploded off the shelves. I was one of the people who purchased it the day it came out. Unfortunately, everyone hates those songs now because of the radio overplaying them. But no one can deny the raw talent that man has.

Well, needless to say I've been disappointed by the Idols since (less so with David Cook but a little) Chris Daughtry, and so far the auditions offer nothing but the same. I don't think I've ever heard so many people slaughter Bon Jovi in the span of 10 minutes! I know I don't have the best voice in the world, but man, these people are just bad! It's hard to tell if they are just good ol' fashioned American Dreamers, or if they are just American Idiots.

Some people just need to accept that they aren't meant to be rock stars. But this sparks the question in my head and in my heart: Am I a dreamer? or am I just another American Idiot trying to prove myself with the brand of my guitar and not the brand of my voice?

*Thanks to the great Green Day album for the term "American Idiot."

I suck a little bit

2009-01-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

I was the one who really did the Best/Worst...I hadn't figured out the whole profile thingy. Matt is a stud for helping. Peace.

Best and Worst of 2008

2009-01-09T14:52:00.001-08:00

Well kids, I'm new at this blogging thing. This is the maiden voyage post, so I hope you enjoy it. These are the Best and Worst Albums and Movies of the Year Awards (the Steves).

Best Albums

1. Trapt: Only Through the Pain...
This was definitely the most surprisingly good album I purchased this year. I've been a fan of Trapt for a very long time, but I haven't expected much since their 2005 release "Someone in Control." Needless to say I was disappointed with that one...Anywho OTTP is their top-tier release of their 3. The songs I found the most enjoyable are "Who's Going Home With You Tonight?", with it's catchy rockin' chorus, and "Only One in Color" filling in as the lovey ballad thing. Honorable mention goes to "Ready When You Are", just because I've been there.

2. Hinder: Take It to the Limit
I know, I know...Hinder is one of the most overplayed, and up until now, overrated bands on the planet. This album took a different turn than their first album, "Extreme Behavior." They gave up trying to be 'hard rock' and embraced their southern roots to fall in to the 'dirty rock' category. The guitar work is excellent, and every track has something to offer. Not to mention the fact that it can get your adrenaline pumping. This is an excellent work-out soundtrack. Check out "Take It to the Limit", "Heaven Sent", and their single "Use Me".

3. Allred: The Sound
For years now I've been boosting local artist John Allred to anyone with ears. I've enjoyed every album the man has put out, but this one is different. I pretty much want to get down on my knees and perform the "We're not worthy!" thingy from Wayne's World. I adore this album! The heartfelt lyrics blended with John's soulful voice tie you up by the heartstrings as you listen to message-packed record. My favs are "Luna", "This Last Line", and "Stay".

4. Nickleback: Dark Horse
Now I know not everyone digs the Canadians that sound like southern rock. I happen to be a huge fan. Love them or hate them, you cannot deny the success these guys have had since their American debut in the early 2000's. If you are a fan, check out "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", and "Shaking Hands".

Honorable Mentions: Rev Theory: "Light it Up", Red: "End of Silence", Metallica: "Death Magnetic", and The Offspring: "Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace".

My Disappointments

1. David Cook: Self-Titled
I can't say too much to rag this album. Let's just say that after hearing Chris Daughtry's first album, then comparing it to this, Daughtry gets the Idol Rocker title a little longer. But make sure to check out "Permanent", "Life on the Moon", and "Declaration".

2. Fall Out Boy: Folie' a Deux
I was very VERY let down by this one. The lead-off single "I Don't Care" is pretty much the only song that didn't make me cry a little inside due to sub-par writing. It's basically a bunch of songs not good enough for their previous albums "Infinity on High", and "From Under the Cork Tree".

3. Buckcherry: Black Butterfly
2006 album "Fifteen" pretty much rearranged my favorite bands with Buckcherry soaring to the northern end. "Black Butterfly" was iffy for me. Worth purchasing? Yes. Just by "Fifteen" first.

P.S.- I got really sick of that "All Summer Long" song by Kid Rock.

Best Movies of the Year

1. The Dark Knight- Hands down my favorite movie. R.I.P. Heath Ledger. No one can replace The Joker.

2. Wanted- Amazing movie. Angelina Jolie is absolutely smokin' in this movie. Not all that unusual, but this one has a killer story too.

3. Death Race- Very cool movie. Jason Statham kicks some serious butt...not too much story in his way either, but it's like a Twisted Metal movie! (TM is a Playstation game series where cars with weapons blow each other up).

4. Iron Man- Not as good as the Dark Knight, but still a very solid superhero movie. Robert Downey Jr. is Keisha's new crush...

Let Downs

1. The Ruins- Looked like a really awesome scary movie, raw and primal. But plants really aren't that scary.

2. Tropic Thunder- Keish loved it. I didn't much care for it. I laughed a bit yes, but it kind of gave away the funniest parts in the previews.

3. Prom Night- I can't say I loved it. I can't say I hated it. Unfortunately all I can say is "eh."